Sunday, January 11, 2009

Am I a sucker or will he outgrow this?

For the last two nights, mommy has gotten very little sleep because Mr. Radar's sleeping habits have quickly taken a turn toward the spoiled! I had high hopes last night when I went up to the room at 9:30pm or so since he'd been awake for a good part of the afternoon and evening.

The night went something like this:

1. I put him down in his crib, patting him until he falls asleep.
2. I crawl into bed with the pug and start to fall asleep.
3. I hear stirring which evolves into whimpering baby cries which evolve into gut wrenching, blood curdling screams.
4. I get up and get the baby.
5. I snuggle and bounce him, and I try feeding him and he falls asleep in my arms.
6. I hold him for awhile until I am sure he is deeply asleep, then I place him back in his crib.
7. Circle back to #2.

Each of these cycles takes from a half hour to an hour and a half. There are small variations to the cycle with regards to how much Radar eats... sometimes he eats a lot and sometimes he just sucks for a few seconds before falling asleep. By 2am or so I end up holding him for a full hour and he sleeps the whole time, but as soon as I put him down, it starts again.

(Radar loves to sleep in his carrier, being bounced against mommy's chest... or in his playpen during the day at an hour when he knows it's impossible for mommy to take a nap! But sleeping at night in his crib? Not his thing!)

I get it... he likes being held, but am I being a sucker? Should I let him cry longer? I think if I held him he would sleep through the whole night, but of course I'm too afraid to fall asleep while holding him, so I don't get any sleep. Even the swing hasn't worked over the past couple of nights.. it's mommy's arms or bust! Can it be that in just shy of 4 weeks I've hopelessly spoiled my little boy or is this just par for the course?

Anyway, I was just curious and hoping for some feedback with positive reassurances that some day soon I will get a few hours of sleep... just a few...

Lastly, Day 4 of Smile Watch has me feeling discouraged as well... I want a happy baby, but between all his crying and without seeing the evidence of a smile, plus with all my sleep deprivation, that inadequate feeling is taking hold! I'm sure it will pass though with that first smile... come on baby boy! Give me a smile or let me sleep a few hours... your choice!

Is this cheating?

Lots of love,
Titi and Radar

ps - bad mothering tip for the day...

"If you're too tired to shower yourself or to bathe your kid, screw it! There's always tomorrow and smelling bad will further endear you both to the dog!"


The Science Pundit said...


Now go get some sleep.

Lori said...

Dear Christena,
Baby's go through a growing spurt at 3-4 weeks again at 6-8 weeks and then at 12 weeks. This could keep Radar up wanting to eat more often. Also many of my babies wanted the same thing to be nursed to sleep and then cuddled in my arms while the slept peacefully. This worked great with my baby sling and Bodey was carried everywhere with me. He even stayed in his sling while I worked the kid's school fish fries. Night time was another matter. Bodey didn't sleep in his bassinet. I went without sleep for many nights holding Bodey until I finally gave in. When I would lay him down within minutes he would be awake crying. Identical to your experience with Radar. Remember my brother had just lost his baby girl , Serenity, to SIDS so I knew the risks of sleeping with your baby but I was exhausted. So I put Bodey on his back with my arm under his neck and head and this is the way we have slept since. I am a very light sleeper and wake very easily but this was still a risk. I would never let any of my babies cry and this is exactly what Bodey did if I laid him down for one minute. There were jokes in my family that Bodey would never learn to walk because he was ALWAYS being held. Bodey never knew what gravity was until he learned to walk at 11 months. I have seen devices that provide safe sleeping for your baby within your bed in magazines. Take a look on the internet. I believe radar has learned your smell and your cuddle and is now dependent on it. This is very wonderful and beautiful but makes for a difficult decision when you need to get your sleep. Radar is very attached to his mommy, he has learned the feel of your touch, the smell of his mommy and wants you all the time, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's me saying ahhhh as I wrote that last part.

As far as the showering thing goes there are still many days now that Bodey is 13 months old that I don't get a shower in or my teeth brushed. This is the life of a mother and who would trade it when you look into those innocent eyes and you see yourself and you know why you were put on this earth.

You aren't a sucker at all you are a mommy to a little boy who adores you and you adore him. How could you possibly listen to him cry for you without giving in? He will grow up and his belly will grow with him and he will eventually be able to hold a lot more food at one time giving you more time for shut eye.

One more thought, I also tried a sort of wedge device made to keep babies on their back. I thought it might make Bodey feel like he was being cuddled in his bassinet. I got it at I will send you the link for these sleeping aides in a email.

Once again, thank you for the laugh I had when I saw Radar being forced to smile. My daughter, Charity, heard me laughing and was so happy mommy was laughing again. Radar will smile very soon. The first time he does it after you have just finished nursing him and he looks up at you and smiles you will melt. The rest of the world will not exist except for the two of you. There are so many wonderful moments and first experiences that lie ahead for the two of you.

I am sorry about the sleep. I know how draining it is and how you wonder if you will ever sleep through night again. It will happen and one day Radar will be keeping you awake because he is out late with the car. For now try and enjoy and maybe catch some naps throughout the day.

I will go email you now,

Fantango said...

This is why I am not allowed to stay over night at uncle Stefan's place....he did not let me slep in his bed, so I was walking around and made noises all night long and kept him awake all night...and out of protest I usually pee or poop in the house then too...

Laura Steenwyk said...

Sleep with him when he needs it. This time is too short and eventually when he's all grown up - you know, like in 2 years - he wont need to sleep with you at all!! Love it while you can!!

And oh yeah - a little Tylenol might help him too.

_lots of love -
Laura Steenwyk (Mommy to Mars, Charlie and Clara)

Tia Sara said...

This reminds me of the conversation I overheard between Mamina (yor grandmother) and Pita (yor great grandmother) while pretending to be asleep. I was about 15 or 16 and still in bed at noon on a Saturday. Pita wanted to wake me up forcibly and Mamina said: "Let her sleep now while she can, once she has kids she'l never sleep like this again". She actually said "when she gets married and has kids", but of course that was a long time ago. Anyway, she was right. Things will get better, but they never will be the same. You will forget the worst of it the way you have probably already forgotten the worst of the labor pains.
I also brought my baby's into bed with me. I actually nursed them in bed during the night. I know this is supposed to be a no-no but I don't think I ever squashed Carlo or Marcela.
Tia Sara

TaraMac said...

Alex didn't sleep unless he was being held by us until he was 8 weeks old...that's when we started a consistent bedtime routine and letting him cry a little (w/reassurances from us along the way...which really only seemed to make him more mad). That's also how my oldest was, too. With him (Ian), I just brought him to bed with me and he would SLEEP!! Hurrah!! Alex had to actually be ON me (not just beside me), so that didn't work. Alex also would sleep for hours in his swing during the day, but not at night. Isabel was a natural sleeper, but only if she was on her belly. So I've broken 2 of the major SIDS rules, but I talked to her doctor who said go ahead and do the belly but keep her room cool. She slept through the night at 6 weeks!

But back to Alex: I really thought I would never get more than 45 minutes sleep at a time again. It certainly feels like it when you're in it! He's stubborn, but he did figure out the crib in about a week or so. And I'm happy to say he sleep 10-12 hours now! Woo-hoo! Radar will, hard as it is to believe now, he will! You aren't spoiling him, either. He's too little to be spoiled.

Hang in there...he will get it!! :)

TaraMac said... cranky as Alex was, he smiled at about 4 1/2 weeks!!! SOON...

Jenna said...

Logan will be 3 in feb. and although it wasnt our plan, we co-slept for 2 1/2 years(as long as he was breast fed) I just cant be without sleep and I mastered the boob out, side feeding with out waking up in no time!:)Im all about a good nights sleep so I didnt worry about the crib thing, in fact we neever used a crib he went from my bed to a twin .Everything changes so quick with the little guys in no time he will be sleeping in 6 hour chunks. I wouldnt work on sleep training at this point he just wants his mommy!!!

Viviana said...

You are going to hear all diffent advice unfortunaly you have to find your own way how to past thru af this. Don't worry litlle Radar is very smart and he know a soon he says something mami for sure will be there. With my kid I try don't olding that much, because is so hard for them later when you need to leave them for any razon. Your friend is completly rigth when she says Radar just want to be with mami. Remember is your warm arms, and your smell. Do something in nigth time take off the shirt than you are wearing and put nex to him or dress the little matress with it. Id just for radar can fell your smell very close. Other advice is work for me to (with vivi) is when he fall sleep breasfeeding wake him up, tickling is feet on the palm and that way he is going to eat more and maybe you can rest more. But any time than he sleep, you have to do the same.
Hug for all of you. Don't worry you will sleep a full night is just Cute Radar is try different ways for have you more time.