Friday, May 22, 2009

Let the voting begin!

UPDATE

Not only do we have a neck and neck race (currently a three way tie), but we also have a bit of a lobbying campaign going on in the comments! Feel free to add your tid-bits if you have a favorite. Joan Crawford seems to think that being outside of the family puts her at a disadvantage. That says to me that she thinks we're a back-biting, miserable bunch that wish to put our own down! Could it be because that's how it is in her family? So maybe she is the worst mother!

But then it is true that the Science Pundit didn't trip and spill his whiskey into Dardo's bottle, so maybe he really is the worst. Then there was the time he screamed at Miguel (who was 8 or so) for not pouring a beer correctly from the keg.

And finally there is Tia Sara, who plays the sweet little mother on the outside, and yet let her 8 or 9 year old daughter get absolutely trashed one New Year's Eve with her 11 or 12 year old cousin (that's me). "It's just a little champagne," she said. Waking up with your head in the toilet is a hard enough lesson for a pre-teen to learn... but an 8 or 9 year old?

So you tell me... who is the WORST mother?

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Ok, back to the topic of bad mothering... but before we continue, I thought I'd share this story I read today. Maybe it's not quite bad mothering... "dumb" might be a better word (Lizzie, it looks like this family is in NZ, so if you need a hole dug in your backyard, give them a buzz!)

Dumb mother story.

Now onto bigger and badder things. I want to thank everyone who posted or sent me their bad mother confessions. Lizzie, Marco, Anne, Kimberdoo, mom and everyone else - I want to assure you that you're ALL bad mothers. But not everyone can be the worst. That's the hard thing about competitions. So, with no further ado, I give you the finalists:


Joan Crawford in Searsport: This is a quaint little story about taking her nine year old daughter Kate to the local mall. Ms. Crawford went to the Grocery with her older daughter and sent her young daughter to the Drugstore to shoplift (or look at comics... really bad mothers don't bother with such details). Mommy Dearest took her time and after loading everything into the car, headed out the back road with her older daughter to her house in the country. About four miles out they sensed that something was wrong? YES, they had left poor Kate at the mall alone!!! She turned around and sped back to town where she found a very unhappy child standing in front of the store, holding her Little Lulu and Mars Bar. And to add insult to injury, when the incident has been brought up in conversation over the years, Ms. Crawford's response is, “I should have left you there!”

The Science Pundit: This account was not told by the perpetrator, but rather by yours truly who was the key witness and it was nominated by the victim baby. This is a nominee for worst mother-brother. Back in May of 1982, the Science Pundit and I welcomed a new baby brother, Dardo, into the family. We would spend every other weekend at my dad's house and were often recruited into babysitting. I, as a 14 year old sister and godmother, was very happy to oblige and took the job very seriously. The Science Pundit... well, not so much. What I remember most about Dardo's early months is the crying. Dardo cried a lot. On one occasion, evening came and I tried for over an hour to calm his crying with no luck at all. The Science Pundit, feeling bad for me and overcome with brotherly love, asked me to let him try. I went downstairs and waited. It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes before the upstairs was quite as a summer breeze. Jealous and exasperated, I asked the Science Pundit how he'd gotten Dardo to go to sleep? “Easy,” he said, “I just put a shot of whiskey in his bottle.”

Tia Sara: This nominee submitted her entry late, but it was so worth the wait. She fondly remembers her son Carlo's first day of kindergarten. They had gone to orientation to meet the teacher and the other students and to get to know about the bus schedules. As per instructions, she had written a name tag (with address and phone number and had pinned it on Carlo). They went down to the bus stop early because they were so exited and joined a little group of kids already there. The bus came and stopped; before she let Carlo get on, she asked the driver if this bus was for kindergarten also. He assured her it was. What she did not bother to ask was what school the bus was for. She also neglected to read the side of the bus that would have informed her that the bus belonged to the German School. Thanks to the name tag, she was called when the Germans did not find Carlo enrolled in any of their classes. She felt pretty stupid when she went to pick up Carlo and then had to explain everything again when she got him to his proper school (when the day was nearly over). Way to go Tia Sara!! I think that everyone will understand Carlo better and have a little more sympathy.


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That's it! Now it's time to vote for worst mother. The poll is over on the sidebar. The winner will win a Radar autographed book... the book will depend on the winner and that's why I'm not naming it here. Good luck!

Lots of love,
Titi and Radar

5 comments:

The Science Pundit said...

I would feel guilty voting for myself, but eh, what the hell!

Dardo said...

I think the difference between the stories is clear. The first and third stories, while amusing, were honest mistakes. The Science Pundit however, did not trip and spill his whiskey into my bottle. This, I believe, accounts for his current lead and will be the pivotal factor in making him the winner.

Anonymous said...

The "pivitol factor" will be that the other two final nominees are closely related to the blogger... as are the other dozens of people who are voting...this shows Nepotism of an alarming degree which was no doubt taught to them by THEIR Mother as part of HER bad parenting.
I should get out my Hanger and beat you all with it but have put whiskey in my morning coffee instead and am feeling better now{ thanks for the hint, Science Pundit}

Joan in Searsport

Lori said...

I, for one, am surprised that Joan is campaigning for the worst mother prize because every holiday, those of us who were inflicted by her cruelty share our horror stories and Joan gets upset! But let me assure you, Joan deserves this honor more than anyone!

All one really needs for proof that Joan was indeed THE most horrible mother, is to see how my siblings all turned out (proof is in the pudding, so they say). But since that is too much to go into, let me share just a few of the cruelties this woman inflicted on her children:

- Joan did not cook! Pizza and "Hangaber Helper” were staples in our home.
- Joan sat by, feigning ignorance, while son number one inflicted horrible tortures on son number 2.
- Joan never took son #1 sailing (as promised if he were good) and this haunts son #1 to this very day!
- Joan did not drive! If her poor children wanted to go anywhere, they had walk or ride their bikes the 3.5 miles into town! Or worse, catch a ride with the psycho neighbor boy who’s driving would scare anyone!
- Leaving Kate at the store was only the FIRST time Joan abandoned her! She was to do this again when she left Kate with her father and spent part of the year with her new husband in Florida. Kate is severely traumatized by this still!

There's more, but I can't bear to re-live it so I'll stop now. The Science Pundit was indeed a bad brother but he wouldn't stand a chance if he were up against Joan's brother who used to tie her to a tree and then turn the hose on her! (Explains a lot, doesn't it?)

Notice I posted no "worst mother" stories of my own as I refused to carry on THIS family tradition and am the only one in the family who turned out normal. I am a perfect mother (just don't ask my kids to verify that). The bad mothering stops with Joan!!!!!

Sincerely,
“Christina Crawford” in Winterport

Marco said...

I tend to agree that science pundit really is a horrible brother, but its not exactly the same thing as a horrible mother, and therefore I am voting for mom, because I seem to recall her absent mindedly leaving and losing me all over the place as a child as well as absent mindedly sending Carlo off on whatever bus came by. I was lost or abandoned at schools, department stores, grocery stores, where ever. But I always came home to good home cooked non hamburger helper meals.