Friday, December 18, 2009

Chart this!

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Letters of Intent


Dear Mr. Growth Chart,

Shut up! Oh, and go to hell!

I took my baby boy in for his one year doctor’s appointment this Monday. Everything the doctor had to say was positive. He said my baby boy is normal and healthy and developing very well in every single way. My little trooper had his MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) shot and his chicken pox vaccine. He cried for less than 30 seconds with each shot and then it was done. My kid is tough. He’s meeting all his milestones just fine. He’s learning two languages (three if you count how he’s beginning to imitate the dog’s bark). To me, my child is exceptional and to everyone else, he’s completely normal!

If it weren’t for you, I would score the visit a 1000% success. But you had to go and tell me that my son is under the 25% line for his length and right on the 25% line for weight. I know my boy is a little smaller than most of his friends his age (and some of his friends who are younger than him), but it’s not a big deal. None of the kids or mothers give a hoot. To them, my son fits right in with his peers. They don’t look at him and say, “Man, he’s small... what is he? A 20%er?” It’s not like he looks tiny when he’s sitting with the other kids – it’s just that if they’re sitting side by side, you see one kid is a little taller than the other. On your stupid chart, 1 inch covers about 25% points at the age of one year. Really? You want to call my kid a midget over one inch?

See, there are plenty of us in my family that aren’t that big (at least not vertically speaking). But we’re not that small either. We’re normal. So it makes sense if my son isn’t very tall. But I don’t need to hear any crap about him being in the 20th percentile… I don’t like what that does to my thoughts about his development.

Let me tell you a few facts about my son Mr. Growth Chart. He is devastatingly handsome (in the 99% on my chart). He is charming and smart. He makes me laugh every day. And he is 100% normal!!! I could tell you what to do with your statistical mumbo jumbo, but instead I’ll just ask you to please shut up and leave me alone.

Oh, and GO TO HELL!!!

Up yours,
Radar’s mom

PS - On a happier note... guess who finally shed her Grinch costume and went and got a Christmas tree???

9 comments:

Foursons said...

He is a beautiful boy. (And yes, I call boys beautiful. I have 4 of them.)

You know, they wouldn't even have that chart if there weren't short kids, tall kids, and kids in the middle. It's stupid. Don't worry one more bit about that stupid chart.

littleharves said...

hmmm hit a nerve there christine? xxx

Anonymous said...

Thanks for replying to my post. My name is Tim and I live in Canada. I am curious about the whole sperm bank thing. I realize you need to know I am not some kind of mean-spirited person -I'm not. My question to you is have you ever had others question your choice, or suggest a slight narcissism on your part? Don't be offended, it is a legitimate question. The reason I ask is because there is a clinic which just opened up in L.A. where you can order a 'designer baby'. You can detail your specifications and even order it on-line, and pay using paypal. Incredible. Ordering a baby online. Anyway, that was why I was questioning you. Please do not take offense, as it is an issue you must have dealt with already. I was merely curious to hear your understanding.

Lizzie said...

If it makes you feel any better, Paddy is on the 5th percentile (just)!! We had a bone age scan done as we were concerned and she has the bone age of a 3 1/2year old, she is nearly 6! Basically in layman's terms she is what they call a late bloomer, and she should have her growth spurts later, I think kids just all grow at different rates :) Lets face it her Mum is short, but her Dad is tall maybe she will be somewhere in the middle?? Radar is just gorgeous!

Rachel said...

I learned early on to disregard those charts and focus on what is perfectly normal about our little guy (preemie).

Takes all kinds - and besides, 20% means that he'd be the shortest out of five kids. Same odds that one of those kids is gonna be taller than the other four, right?

(Yes, speaking as the shortest kid in her class... it's not the end of the world anyway).

He's a beautiful kid!

The Science Pundit said...

See, there are plenty of us in my family that aren’t that big (at least not vertically speaking).

OK OK!! You've made your point! I'll get back on the bike after this damn blizzard is over.

Also, have I mentioned enough how handsome he is? :-)

@Tim (Anonymous)
How is what you describe any different from somebody choosing a mating partner based on how they'd like their children to turn out? I'm not trying to be offensive to you, but it just seems to me that such a service would be perfectly justified.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the response. Actually, I never really thought about it in those terms. I did not know that people sought out 'mating partners' in order to ensure quality offspring. I always thought people sought friendship or companionship, then if things developed nicely, marriage and then children. I am no authority, nor do I claim to be, but I thought that was how things worked. I must admit, it does sound tempting, not having to deal with a spouse. That means no arguments. My only remaining questions then would be, what would a single parent do for sex? Does that have to be hidden from the child? I really don't know, that's why I'm asking. Additionally, what about the lack of a male role model, could that be a problem in the future. Again, no disrespect intended, I merely ask what you have probably already wondered about. Do you think one day he will want to know about his father...or donor. Lastly, do you work and if so, how do you juggle both. Thanks and take care. Tim.

Marco said...

Titi, this is not some kind of test graded on a curve. 25% is not failing. Its where he stands in line to get his picture taken; he just doesn't have to wait around as long as most of the other kids. And if you want to put a really positive spin on it, he's above average in shortitude. And I foresee that Radar will wear it well.

Anonymous said...

Isn't that why high heels were invented for? So to compensate for shortage and let the legs look longer?
In case Radar someday goes that route, so be it. ... ;)
You can already view webpages like www.heels.com with him for developing proper taste....
Uncle Stefan