Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Out of the blue

So, it's just two days until Christmas. The night before Noche Buena. So naturally I'm going to blog with the season, right?

Absolutely not. I think instead I'll blog about a story that hit me out of the blue today when Radar was playing with his blue rubber ducky. Some of you already know the story - but what the hey... it's a Pazos trait to retell stories even when everyone in the room shouts, "yes, we've heard it before!"

This one goes back to when I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant with Radar. Just about any lady who's ever been pregnant can tell you that pregnancy causes weird dreams - all the hormones I guess. Well, I was going up to visit Grammy in Maine and spent the night in a hotel after a late flight into Portland. Having lost my first baby Bennett to trisomy 18, I guess I also had plenty of worry weighing on my mind in those early weeks. Then I settled in for my slumber...

The first thing I remember were the contractions. But I was only halfway through my pregnancy. Babies can't survive at that early gestation. I remember crying hysterically and begging the doctors to find a way to stop the contractions. They had me hooked up to tubes and were administering IV meds to try to stop them, but they only kept getting stronger. I was sobbing and begging for this not to be happening. The agony was so real. And then real labor started and there was no stopping it.

I remember how it dragged on for what seemed an eternity. It was one of those dreams that you try to wake from and can't. I was trying to hold back, but I couldn't and after an emotionally agonizing labor, I felt the birth and my spirit was totally defeated. I knew that I had lost yet another baby.

And then I heard it... a QUACK. One of the doctors held my child up and said with cheery pride, "It's a duck! I full sized, healthy duck!" And there it was... a mallard, I think! I was flabbergasted and pissed. All I could think was that the cryobank had ripped me off and given me duck sperm! Then I was horrified because I imagined what people would think... they would think that I'd been sleeping with a duck!!! I guess I'm just not someone who counts her blessings enough, because never once in that dream was I relieved that my baby was healthy.

And that is my out of the blue story... I'll see if I can't get back on the Christmas track for tomorrow's post.

And in case some of you don't get a chance to check back, we wish you and your families (ducks included) a healthy and joyous Christmas!!!

Lots of love,
Titi and Radar