Thursday, April 29, 2010

More every day

Everyone's heard parents say that as impossible as it seems, every day they love their kids more. And believe me, I get where that sentimental, mooshy-gooshy stuff comes from. There are days that I feel that way. But I don't actually think it's true every day. When we start to get into a daily routine and the days slip by... or when your kid starts to show his cranky, obstinate, relentless side... or when you're just tired or sick... well I'm just saying that I don't think most people can really look at their kid every single morning and say, "Wow, I love you even more today than I did yesterday!"

For me, there are days that slip by and I don't think about it... there are days when I'm ready to head out of the house and leave a cranky Radar in someone else's capable hands... there are times when I'm just tired and want a break... and there are those "Wow" days. To be clear, there are never days when I don't love Radar more than all the stars and teacups in the universe. But to say that every day I love him more than the day before is too vague... too immeasurable... and I just don't think it's true.

Now, before you go declaring me an unloving, miserable mother, let me clarify what I do think is true - at least for me. It struck me today during our weekday morning routine. Every weekday we get up between 6 and 7 am. We talk a little, tickle a little, whine a little... then Maria shows up between 7 and 7:30 am, she dresses Radar and takes him to the park. I drink my coffee, hop onto the computer for a bit, talk to my mom and get ready for work. I leave for work at about 8:45am, but if Radar isn't home yet (and he's usually not), I swing by the park before I head off to work to say a quick goodbye.

That's what I did this morning. When I walked into the park, Radar was climbing up the slide. He saw me and a giant smile took over his whole face.

He couldn't get down fast enough.

He ran over to me for a hug, then got down to work.

He started pushing the lawn mower super fast and every couple of seconds he'd look up to get my reaction (which was obviously one of awe and loud exclamations of praise!)

Then he hopped on the bike...

then over to one of the little cars, slamming the door and jerking the steering wheel back and forth...

always glancing to me to make sure I was watching and reacting!

My little boy was showing off, BIG TIME!!!

He was showing off for ME, his mommy!

He was so proud and wanted his mommy's approval!

And my eyes filled with tears!

I was totally overcome with how much I love this little boy.
(check out the molars!)

And I definitely love him more today than I ever remember loving him before... more than yesterday or the day before or the day before...

So I think it's a cumulative thing. It doesn't happen every day, but as time goes by it builds up in ebbs and flows that follow a trend line that's always heading north.

I reached a new high today... which is good because we'll be boarding a plane for an 8+ hour flight one week from today... we'll be spending a few jet-lagged days in Spain before boarding another plane for a 9+ hour flight back.

I'm thinking that maybe those days will have their challenges... maybe those won't all be "Wow" days like today. But I'll have today's surge to get me through with a smile still on my face and the trend line will keep trending upwards... of that I have no doubt!

Lots of love... even more than yesterday,
Titi & Radar

PS- Incidentally, my love growth chart above charts love from day 1 to day 500 and as of this morning, Radar is 499 days old!!! That's a pretty cool age to be!


Michelle said...

Those pictures are precious.

Becky said...

This totally echo's what I'm feeling this week! Isaac has started flinging his arms in the air and flying toward me to pick him up at daycare. He cries when I leave him. And my heart just melts. He smiles and giggles and watches so intently what we do. I get woken up in the morning with a little hand grasping my nose and shaking my head back and forth. Its amazing how overwhelming the love for a child gets!

Little M and Baby G said...

Wonderful post. Just when you think you can't love these boys anymore, they give you a smile and - BAM - you love them even more.
Radar has such a sweet smile!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I did myself a favor to check your blog tonight before going to bed... now filled with love myself! I BET you had no idea that the scale started off so low... I don't know if I buy it... love just keeps changing...and expanding.. like good pants!

Andrea said...

I don't know why it says annonymous.. it's me, tia Andrea